I’ve come to accept the fact that there are some things I will never fully understand. The infinite boundlessness of space, for example. Or why the NBA playoffs are almost as long as the regular season.

But one thing I do understand is that there are wonderful people in this world dedicated to educating our children. People that are braver and more resilient than me. People who have a deep-rooted desire to impact the next generation (spitballs notwithstanding).

And while I admire teachers – the good ones, that is – I’m glad to not be counted among them. I just don’t have the chops. I affirmed this during a recent trip to a local elementary school, where I volunteered to teach 1st graders about saving money. The children were all very well-mannered, and they got the lesson, but I’m pretty sure they could smell my fear.

So when my friend Jamie asked if I’d donate cupcakes for a teacher appreciation luncheon at her kids’ school, my answer was “of course!”, of course. After all, any institution that wants to express their gratitude in the form of cupcakes is an institution I can really get behind. And let’s face it… polished apples are sooo 20th century.

Red velvet was the requested flavor of choice, which was interesting since I’d only made that flavor once before, for the Valentine’s Day fundraiser I told you about.

Squares of Ghirardelli white chocolate as garnish assured my status as teachers' pet.

I’d like to say that I’ve never met a cupcake I didn’t like, but the truth is, I don’t really care much for red velvet. It has this weak little barely-there hint of cocoa… just enough to add some richness, but not enough to officially call it chocolate cake. And that wee smidge of cocoa tints the batter a very strange color, which is why the recipe asks you to dump in two full bottles of food coloring (yeah, that’s right: two whole bottles!).

I don’t know the history of red velvet cake (is it a retro Southern thing? I suspect it is…), but it seems to me that it was invented by someone with a lukewarm affinity for chocolate: they’re not willing to commit to a full-blown chocolate experience. Which, by the way, I’m adding to that list of things I don’t understand.

But this is where that food of love thing comes in. It’s not necessarily food I love, it’s food for those I love. And today, I’m loving on a bunch of teachers I don’t know, because the kids they’re teaching will one day have voting rights that count just as much as mine. So if it’s red velvet they want, red velvet they shall have!

To all the teachers I know, active and retired, thank you for doing what many wouldn’t and most couldn’t. You make the world a better place!

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When I was developing the Valentine’s dessert spread, I consulted with Scott, a good friend of mine and avid red velvet fan. He gave me his wife Caryn’s recipe, which I believe was originally from Heloise – you know, the helpful hint lady (who must have been the absolute bomb-diggety before Google came along). I adapted the instructions to make cupcakes (instead of a layer cake), and swapped out the icing for my favorite cream cheese frosting, which allows me to easily overlook the lack of chocolate problem.

Red Velvet Cupcakes

2 ounces red liquid food coloring
3 tablespoons cocoa
½ cup vegetable shortening
1 ½ cups granulated sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 ½ cups sifted cake flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup buttermilk
1 tablespoon vinegar
1 teaspoon baking soda

Line standard-size muffin pans with paper liners. Preheat oven to 350°F. In a small bowl, combine food coloring and cocoa; set aside. In a large bowl, beat shortening and sugar; add eggs, one at a time, beating after each addition. Add food coloring mixture and vanilla. Alternately add flour, salt and buttermilk, beating well. Stir in vinegar and baking soda.

Pour batter into prepared cups and bake about 20 minutes, or until the tops spring back when lightly pressed and and a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean. Remove from oven and cool on wire rack 5 minutes, then remove from pans and cool completely on rack. Frost as desired (I usually pipe the cream cheese frosting below through a large star tip). Makes 2 dozen cupcakes.

Ina Garten’s Cream Cheese Frosting

1 pound butter, room temperature
1 ½ pounds cream cheese, room temperature
1 pound confectioner’s sugar
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla

Place butter and cream cheese in bowl of electric mixer fitted with paddle attachment. Beat on medium0-high until fluffy. Reduce speed, add confectioner’s sugar and vanilla, and beat until just combined.

This makes more frosting than you’ll need for 2 dozen cupcakes, but I’m sure you can come up with something to do with the extra. You know, like mainline it — which is what I do.