A "peanut butter dream" speaks many languages.

Several years ago, my friend Emily recommended a book by Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.  It sounded pretty mushy for my taste, but I gave it shot.  It was short – I think I knocked it out in a night or two – not very mushy at all, and actually well worth the read. 

The premise of the book, as the title suggests, is that there are five main ways we convey love to one another: material gifts, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch.

The trick is that most people are wired to receive love in one or two of these “languages”, and not the others.  The other trick is that people typically convey love in their own language, and not necessarily the language of their mate. 

So if you’re the type that shows you care by scrubbing the toilets and picking up dirty socks, your mate probably thinks you’re great, and is glad you’re not a slob, but unless their love language happens to be acts of service, your barking up the wrong (well-manicured) tree.  If you really want to convey love, you need to figure out what their language is, and start speaking it. 

Simple concept, right?  The best ones usually are.

Some time ago, a new acquaintance asked about White Fluffy Icing.  When I told her it was a food blog, she assumed I was writing how-to stuff, with step by step photos and instructional videos.  Now, dearest reader, by now you certainly know that’s not my schtick at all — in fact, I’m planning to debut my first instructional video right about the time that monkeys fly.  My goal is to get people excited about food, and to explore all the history and culture and emotions that come with preparing and eating a nice meal — which, I happen to think, is a dying art.  Since that tends to get a little wordy, I call it Food of Love.

In my feeble attempt to explain all this (it seems that people either get it or they don’t), it suddenly occurred to me that food fits all five love languages in Chapman’s book.  Which makes sense, because everyone loves food.  It transcends love languages. Check this out:

Material Gifts.  I think we can all agree that a nice dinner is a great gift.  When Matt asked me if I wanted to celebrate finishing my MBA, I didn’t even blink before telling him that I wanted to experience the tasting menu at Mark’s. 

In fact, the House and Senate have ethics rules that forbid members of Congress from accepting food from anyone unless it’s on a toothpick — otherwise, it is considered a bribe. If you can use food to buy votes, it certainly counts as a material gift in my book.

Acts of Service.  This one is pretty obvious, but ask any home cook whether preparing a meal is an act of service.  Ask my friend Scott, who donated a week of precious vacation time to cook for a couple hundred kids at a camp last summer.  Cooking is a labor of love, and one that gets occasionally tiresome, even for a food blogger.  Fortunately, most people who aren’t in charge of cooking on a regular basis realize and appreciate that.  (If you’re not one of those people, go find the cook in your family and say thank you!)

Quality Time.  The act of eating literally demands physical relaxation.  If we’re upset or anxious about something, our primal fight-or-flight instincts suppress our appetite, because a) the act of eating is distracting, which keeps you from being on the lookout for that sabre-tooth tiger that’s been stalking you, and b) have you ever tried to run from a sabre-tooth tiger on a full belly?  Sitting down to a meal forces us to chill out, let our guards down, and spend some quality time with our fellow diners.

Words of Affirmation.  In order to cook for someone, you have to extend the invitation.  In doing so, you’ll be explaining your motives – “I miss you!  Please come for dinner,” or “Congratulations! Let me make your favorite,” or “I have a giant crush on you and I’m really nervous but I was hoping you would stop by and maybe I could make dinner.  Or something.”  The storyline will vary, but the sentiment is the same.

Cooking for someone is also a unique and subtle opportunity to say, “I get you,” without saying anything at all.  As in, I know you love chicken pot pie, but you also hate peas, so I made the only pea-free chicken pot pie on the planet.  Mwah.

Physical Touch.  A meal can be just as physically comforting as a hug, or a hand squeeze, or any other display of affection.  Or, as I recently saw a male chef say in an interview, “Food is the only other thing you can put inside of a woman.”  AHEM.  (Blush.)  Need I say more on this one?  I thought not.

This is Food of Love.  This is why I love to cook.  A meal can change our mood and our sense of well-being more effectively than most anything else, and it’s a universal love language.

No too bad for a Valentine’s Scrooge, huh?

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Forget those cheap chocolates in a heart shaped box — to me, nothing says Valentine’s like handmade candy.  I’ve done Millionaires before, which are always a big hit, but these little beauties might just take the prize.

Peanut Butter Dreams
From Bon Appétit Desserts

3/4 cup powdered sugar, plus additional for dusting hands
1/3 cup super chunky peanut butter (do not use old-fashioned style or freshly ground)
2 ounces Philadelphia cream cheese, room temperature
2 ounces high-quality white chocolate (such as Lindt or Perugina), melted, cooled
2 tablespoons (¼ stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
12 ounces high-quality milk chocolate (such as Lindt or Perugina), chopped
Peanut praline (see recipe below)
Candy cups (about 18)

Blend ¾ cup powdered sugar, peanut butter, cream cheese, melted white chocolate, and butter in medium bowl. Freeze until firm enough to shape, about 20 minutes.

Line 2 baking sheets with waxed paper. Using hands dusted with powdered sugar, roll 1 tablespoon peanut butter mixture into a ball. Place on a prepared sheet. Repeat with remaining mixture. Freeze until very firm, about 3 hours.

Stir milk chocolate in the top of a double boiler over barely simmering water until melted and smooth. Remove from over water. Working quickly, submerge 1 peanut butter ball in chocolate, tilting pan if necessary. Using dinner fork, life out candy. Tap bottom of fork on sides of pan, allowing excess chocolate to drop back into pan. Using small knife, push candy off fork and onto second prepared sheet. Repeat with remaining balls, setting double boiler over hot water occasionally to rewarm chocolate to 115°F as needed. Refrigerate candies until chocolate is set, about 1 hour. Reserve remaining chocolate in pan.

Line another baking sheet with waxed paper. Rewarm remaining chocolate over barely simmering water. Remove from over water. Place praline in large shallow dish. Dip half on 1 candy into chocolate. Roll around in palm to cover candy with a light coating of chocolate. Set in praline and roll gently, covering completely. Transfer to prepared sheet. Repeat with remaining candies. Refrigerate until firm. Transfer candies to paper candy cups.

Makes about 18.

Do Ahead: Can be made 1 week ahead. Refrigerate in airtight container. Let stand 20 minutes at room temperature before serving.

Peanut Praline

1 cup sugar
1/4 cup water
1 cup roasted salted peanuts

Butter baking sheet. Cook sugar and ¼ cup water in heavy small saucepan over low heat, stirring until sugar dissolves. Increase heat to medium and boil without stirring until syrup is deep golden brown. Mix in peanuts. Immediately pour mixture onto prepared sheet. Cool completely. Break into 2-inch pieces. Using on/off turns, grind finely in processor.

Do Ahead: Can be made 2 months ahead.  Cover and refrigerate in airtight container.